Breaking up with a partner can be such a painful experience that people are “stuck” in suffering for years and are afraid to enter into a new relationship, remembering the traumatic experience.
But you can get over a breakup faster and easier if you take into account some recommendations.
Samara family psychologist Nadezhda Bocharova told how to let go of a person and part with him forever without causing pain, in an exclusive interview with State Television and Radio Broadcasting Company Samara.
1. You can say this is point zero. You understand and decide: “That’s it, nothing will happen next. We reached the finish line with this man” This happens suddenly, all at once. Most likely, similar thoughts have already swirled in your head more than once, and you gradually became firm in your decision.
2. The conversation itself about breaking up. You need to communicate your decision. And you will have to listen to the response. But once you have made an informed decision, do not give in to persuasion, do not react to manipulation. If you are asked “why?”, explain the reasons for your decision, but try not to blame, otherwise you will feel guilty later. Of course, this can be a very emotional conversation, but this “storm” must be weathered.
3. Despite the fact that the decision is conscious, made and voiced, you will still be overtaken by a wave of doubts and regrets, perhaps even remorse for the made and perfect decision to leave. This happens to almost everyone. Everyone starts to get bored, pleasant memories come up and you want to get back what was lost again. It is on these emotions that people make comebacks. It is important to know this in order to simply wait out this impulse to “correct the mistake”, and not run “hair back” and ask for forgiveness from your ex. It is best to keep yourself busy with activities, studies, communication, new interests and impressions.
4. The next mandatory point is limiting communication. Even though they say “let’s remain friends,” take pity on both yourself and the other, there is no need for unnecessary suffering, limit communication with the person you broke up with, limit it as much as possible, or better yet completely, at least for a few months. Perhaps in a year you will be able to communicate in a friendly manner.
5. Also try to exclude everything that reminds you of your ex. Gifts, things, music, movies, photos – put everything away. If you have mutual friends, don’t discuss the topic of breaking up with them, it’s enough to just tell them about it, but don’t go into details, don’t dwell on this topic. If your friends start telling you something about your ex, stop these conversations.
6. The most important thing is to clearly understand the reason for the end of the relationship, draw appropriate conclusions and integrate losses into your life, turning them into a productive part of your path. Admit that “yes, I spent six months or a year of my life on this relationship. But I realized a lot about myself during this time, I realized what was important to me.”
It’s like summing up. This will be the end of the separation phase. It will take some time. Next will be the restructuring phase. When new areas of life will be built, a new circle of relationships, new activities, interests, affairs, people. And then the stabilization phase will come, when you will perceive your current situation as a step in development, which played a certain role in the development of you as a person, and you will remember this with a smile and confidence that everything was right.
Adults sometimes have to let their children go. Read our material about how to let your child go into adulthood without breaking his wings.
Tags: unnecessary suffering Samara psychologist ways survive breakup Samara
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