Psychologists have discovered why many people give up romantic relationships and remain alone

The number of lonely people around the world is growing. In the United States, for example, between 1967 and 2020, the number of “bachelors” of both sexes increased from 7.6 percent to 14.4. And today, about 35 percent of the entire population of this country is not in a romantic relationship. People choose this lifestyle for various reasons – some as a result of a simple breakup with a partner, others want to focus on their career and personal achievements, and others remain single because of their beliefs. Scientists from the universities of La Trobo (Australia) and Toronto (Canada) decided to find out more about what causes loneliness. They presented the findings of their work in the Journal of Personality.

Psychologists have suggested that many people choose to remain single because of their attachment style. According to attachment theory, there are several types: secure, anxious, avoidant and anxious-avoidant (depending on the classification, these types are often combined in different ways). In general, attachment theory suggests that our relationships with other people are determined by the degree of anxiety and avoidance.

The first makes people afraid of being abandoned and unloved, the second makes them feel uncomfortable with intimacy due to the fact that such people are afraid of losing their freedom and becoming dependent on a partner (due to this, they literally acquire “dependence on independence”). Those who have little anxiety and no avoidance tend to be the most effective in secure attachment relationships. They are comfortable with the normal level of dependence on a partner and are not overly worried about being abandoned. It is believed that such people are in the minority.

Scientists conducted two parallel studies: the first involved 482 single young people, the second – 400 similar single, but elderly people. It turned out that the vast majority (78 percent) of both categories had an insecure type of attachment, and only 22 percent could boast of a secure one. Thus, 37 percent of the subjects had an anxious type (they were afraid to enter into a relationship because they would be rejected), 23 percent of young and 11 percent of older volunteers were avoidant (these people were prevented from being in relationships by the fear of losing independence). Finally, 16 percent of young singles and 28 percent of older singles, on the one hand, experienced increased anxiety that they would be abandoned, and on the other hand, they themselves were afraid of losing their independence.

Thus, psychologists have come to the conclusion that despite the fact that many single people claim that they choose this lifestyle because they are comfortable, in the vast majority of cases, behind this is a fear of relationships or intimacy. However, there are people who are truly confident in themselves, and at the same time feel good both outside and in relationships, but there are much fewer of them than it seems.

Anxious bachelors tended to worry more about being single than others. They also had the lowest self-esteem and life satisfaction of all categories. Avoidant singles were the least interested in romantic relationships and seemed satisfied with life.

However, it was this group that had the fewest friends and close relationships in general, in addition, they were, as a rule, less satisfied with them and with life in general than people with a secure type of attachment. Those who experienced fear of abandonment coupled with fear of losing freedom reported more difficulty forming close relationships than the secure group. They also had the lowest level of life satisfaction of all categories of subjects by many indicators.